Writing a Book Isn’t Peaceful… It’s Slightly Unhinged

I think there’s this idea people have about writing a book. That it’s quiet and calm. Maybe a little aesthetic. A girl (or guy) with a laptop, there is a coffee nearby, and maybe some soft music playing. Words just… flowing from the mind to the fingertips.

UM. No. At least where Katie Rae is concerned. lol

Writing a book looks more like me sitting in my car in a gymnastics parking lot, engine still running, because I just thought of a line so good I physically cannot drive until I write it down. I open my notes app, typing half a sentence that makes absolutely no sense to anyone but me: “He shouldn’t want her like that. Not here. Not now.”

And then two hours later, I'm home, and I do one of two things. I either forget I wrote that line down earlier altogether, OR... and most commonly... I open the notes app to retrieve that line and think, What does that even mean? Who is “he”? Where is “here”?

For me, writing isn’t just writing. I’m constantly asking myself if something makes sense. Would he actually say that? Is she being too much… or not enough? Is this emotional or just… dramatic?

And the worst of all: Do I love this… or do I just want to love this? Because those are not the same thing.

The problems continue when the ideas that help me develop the plot show up when I'm mid-conversation or halfway through cooking dinner. Most of the time, I'm driving my kids to their long list of "places they have to be," and it'll hit me... "That scene you’ve been stuck on for three days? Here’s the solution. Right now. While you’re driving.”

I think the idea of writing sometimes gets romanticized. But life doesn’t pause just because I'm writing a book. The story doesn’t care that there are kids to get to practice, dinners that still need to be made, emails waiting to be answered, or that I have seven loads of clean (maybe) laundry to fold.

It used to, but these days, writing doesn’t happen in long, uninterrupted stretches of peace. It happens in the cracks of my day. And I think I love it.

It may take me longer to produce a book, and it may make me look neurotic at times, but I'm getting to be super mom while still doing what I LOVE. And when a scene finally lands, and everything clicks in a way I can’t really explain, I sit there thinking, yesssssss this is the story I knew I'd love. 

The truth about Katie Rae writing a book is that it’s no longer peaceful. It never was, to be honest. It’s messy and interruptive and just a little obsessive. It’s falling in love with an idea and then questioning it five hundred times before I've even had my coffee. It’s living my real life while also being completely consumed by another that exists only in my head. Sometimes I'm present, but not fully. Even if I'm grounded, I feel as though I am also somewhere else entirely.

Even as I write this blog, in the early morning hours before the rest of the house wakes up, I've had to stop and jot down a new idea or two.

But if you ever wonder what writing a book actually looks like for me, just picture this.... I’m halfway to getting my daughter to gymnastics, arguing with myself over a line of dialogue that probably won’t even make it into the final draft, turning the music up as requested by the backseat passenger, writing a note in the parking lot before taking her in the gym, answering a phone call from my older daughter who just wants to know if we can have pizza for dinner, returning to my car after drop off and writing a few more lines, and then not sitting down at my desk for 3 more days to make those lines and ideas come to life.

The good news is... I'm writing.

The bad news is... It's a slower process.

So here is my question... Do you think creativity needs quiet… or the unhinged chaos of life? And would you read a book from me, knowing now that I'm piecing words and sentences together 5 to 6 at a time? ;-)

-Katie